welcome to my thoughts

when it's 4/20 but your job drug tests so you can't smoke light a bowl smoke a blunt stay high my friends

i'm supposed to be getting lifeguard certified again an hour away from where i live and both the places i was gonna stay have fallen through trying to convince my dad to get me a cheap hotel wish me luck

one thing that pisses me off most when im dating someone when they don't trust you and wont let you go out if theyll be another guy when i date you i like you i only wanna be with you just fucking relax trust me and let me do my thing - also when they wanna be with you 24/7 like i need my girl time i need time with my baby sisters GIVE ME SPACE but also be obsessed with me and talk to me and chill with me

lowkey just need someone who will snuggle with me, bring me food and just be chill

honestly all i want is to be happy 24/7 and to make people happy when they're around me i already do things to make me happy and except when im stressed i feel like im a very positive person but its hard sometimes sometimes you just feel sad sometimes you wanna drop out of school and run away and get a puppy thats kinda how i feel right now

i can say 100% that april is my least favorite month i love spring time but with april comes the last weeks of school where you count down the days and with the last weeks of school means finals which means studying your life away - i can't wait until school releases my life from its claws i cant wait to get away summer is my happy time where all i care about is me because during the year i care so much about what people think of me and pleasing people and heh im over that

i'm moving in 8 weeks and that comes with a lot of purging and thinking not only getting rid of things but people i'm moving away whos gonna stick with me... whos gonna be a real one? is anyone?? but who am i gonna ditch? i feel like i'm only friends with some people because i go to school with them or im in class with them or they wont leave me alone and im too nice to be mean. too many thoughts and decisions 

guys suck they just want me for my body  they say they care and then they never actually do - i was fuck buddies with this guy once i cut it off we said we'd be friends and we were or i thought we were until we saw each other in person and had a long conversation and then he ignored me for a week i brought it up and he thought it would be best if we didn't talk at all i asked if we were ever friends he said i don't know what you want from me sorry ... i haven't talked to him since - its ok i don't need him or anyone who refuses to put the work into a friendship i put my heart and soul into my friends i expect the same from them if we fight we make up but if you can't do that you aren't worth my time you don't deserve my heart and soul - i also refuse to apologize for something i haven't done even if it makes you happy don't turn your mistakes on me i won't sacrifice my happine

most of the time the issues i have are issues that other people would love to have i hate school but i have the opportunity to go i complain about being broke but i have a steady job  i say i have nothing to wear but my closet is full - i feel guilty i disgust myself and yet i don't stop

its funny when i type (unless to someone important) i always use lowercase. why waste my time finding the shift key when i can just continue on without losing my thought but when i write on paper i always capitalize every letter.

sometimes i think that people outside my head need to understand that i think things even if i don't say them outloud and so it begins welcome to my thoughts